Maria and Rocco (left) and Kirsten with Leo.
Photo: Sandra Grose, Through Sandra’s Lens

As most new parents do, Kirsten Ott Palladino and her wife have been mastering certain necessary skills: patience, multitasking and finding the most convenient and quick drive-thrus in town.

Kirsten and Maria are moms to 1-year-old twins, Leonardo Vincent and Rocco Bruce. “I think the biggest [change] was — and still is — not being able to go somewhere without a lot of planning and strategy,” says Kirsten. “I can’t just swing into a coffee shop for five minutes with twins. Unless I want to bust out our Cadillac of double strollers, I have to carry them in their infant carriers. But then where does the latte go when I’ve picked it up at the counter?

“If nothing else, I’ve become a major appreciator and connoisseur of all drive-thrus in town.”

Kirsten and Maria have been together for eight years and have had two marriage ceremonies. Kirsten says the first wedding June 13, 2009, at the Mary Gay House in Decatur was about uniting as a couple in love. When New York passed the Marriage Equity Bill in 2011, there was no question where they would be legally married. They got engaged in New York and three out of four of their parents are from there.

“We originally thought we would hold a small ceremony in Central Park as a tribute to our engagement,” Kirsten says. “But the more we discussed it, the more we realized how amazing it would be to get married — legally — in City Hall. And it was.”

“I was practically sobbing from the historical aspect of it all.”

Kirsten surprised Maria with a trip in August of last year with the plans for their New York wedding. “Finally, somewhere in this great country in a city we love to visit, our commitment to — and love — each other is recorded, respected, validated,” she says. “It was an exceptional day in our relationship.”

The couple knew from the very first date they wanted children, but they wanted to wait until they were married. Kirsten says they are a traditional couple in that regard. “Most of our gay and lesbian friends who don’t live in a state that legally recognizes same-sex marriage just skip the wedding and go straight to having kids,” she says. “That’s not the route we wanted to take.”

Rocco and Leo.
Photo: Sandra Grose, Through Sandra’s Lens

They’d been married a couple of years when Leo and Rocco came along. There was no need to discuss who was going to be the pregnant one. “To us, the idea of Maria carrying our child is as absurd as your husband carrying yours,” she says.

They are private about their journey to pregnancy. Mainly, they want to be the ones — “not any random media archives, not a well-intentioned friend or gossipy family member” — to explain to Leo and Rocco how their family was formed. “There are many ways to create a family, and we love ours,” Kirsten says.

One son was named for Maria’s father, Vincent. And the other was named for Kirsten’s father, Bruce, who died eight months before Kirsten and Maria married. The first names don’t have any personal significance, except that the two women loved them.

The boys have been sleeping in their shared room since they were 6 weeks old, and their own cribs since they were 12 weeks. They’ll continue to share a room unless they show signs of needing their own space. “They’re connected in such a beautiful way, though they’re completely separate individuals with highly different personalities,” Kirsten says. “We work hard to distinguish that they are two individuals, but we honor their special connection.”

Being a lesbian couple can present its own challenges in life, but Kirsten says being female won’t make it any more difficult to parent boys. There are strong males in their families and among their friends to fill that role.

“Gender isn’t everything though: It has nothing to do with my and Maria’s ability to teach Leo and Rocco and any future children we have how to love, how to respect yourself and others, how to relish walking barefoot on a freshly cut lawn, how to throw a ball, how to climb a tree, how to twirl in the rain, how to look up a new word you just heard, how to sing loudly in the shower, how to say thank you, how to make sure you look after all creatures big and small, how to listen, how to forge your own path, how to stand up for right and wrong, how to hug, how to follow your dreams, and how to know and be yourself,” she says.

The usual questions:

Parents’ names, ages, occupations:
Kirsten Ott Palladino, 34, editor in chief/co-founder, Equally Wed Magazine, equallywed.com
Maria Palladino, 32, publisher/co-founder, Equally Wed Magazine, equallywed.com
Leo and Rocco, 12 months (3/14/2011). Leo is 7 minutes older than Rocco.

Neighborhood:
Southwest Atlanta

Transportation (what you drive or ride):
We’re parents of multiples, so of course we both have SUVs. We haven’t caught the minivan bug … yet.

Parenting style:
We’re big on routine in our house, but it’s baby-led. So far, we haven’t had any complaints.

How are you different from other parents:
I think what makes me and Maria different is that we’ve spent years observing and discussing what we like and don’t like about parenting styles we’ve seen in person and in movies. And now we’re taking great care to make sure we’re consistent in our approach so Leo and Rocco can always know what we expect from them and how much we love them.

What you do for fun:
Picnics in the backyard, cookouts with friends, splashing in the pool, spending time with family

Fav rainy day activity:
It’s a three-way tie: tickling, giggling and taking silly pictures

Fav playground:
We’re still learning about them now that the boys are into exploring, so we’ll be checking out Ruckus for recommendations

Fav event of the year:
Everything’s changed since the babies came! Now it’s usually trips to see families and casual get-togethers at our house and friends’ houses

Fav dinner:
Pasta and wine. Lots of wine.

Fav kid-friendly restaurant:
Tin Lizzy’s Grant Park can’t be beat for its absolute hospitality toward children, no matter how many we bring in with our friends. And the parents get to kick back with killer margaritas. How can anyone complain?

Childrens’ fav CD/music:
You Are My Little Bird by folk singer Elizabeth Mitchell

Childrens’ superhero abilities:
Leo’s superhero ability is turning himself into a bulldozer and plowing into anyone or anything without getting hurt.
Rocco can turn anyone’s heart into puddles with his sweet hugs. He gives them organically, but also upon request.
Together, our sons pool their mental powers to instinctively know when we’re about to sit down and actually enjoy a hot meal that we don’t have to share.

If you were a book, what might we not know from your cover?:
If it wasn’t in the illustration, you’d definitely know just by taking a quick peek inside that our hearts are running over with absolute joy in parenthood. We don’t for a second take for granted the blessing bestowed upon us by the universe. We laugh off any craziness (I think all I really need to say here is “double blowouts” and parents will understand), and we make sure to truly enjoy every precious second with Leo and Rocco. They’ve completed us in ways we can never fully express, and we’re forever grateful.